Boy, Baby and Beauty
by ForSaleBabyShoesNeverWorn
Summary: A hundred ways to show you care. Oga and Hilda 100 Themes Challenge.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n  
**An attempt at the 100 Themes challenge at deviantart. Variation 1 if y'all are curious. This will be Tatsugarde through and through, OgaXHilda for the uninitiated. Not always romantic, but I try.

**Title:** GPS  
** Universe:** Beelzebub  
**Theme/Topic: **72) Mischief Managed  
**Rating:** K+ for language  
**Character/Pairing/s:** Oga, Hilda, Yolda and Alain Delon. Beel mentioned in passing.  
**Spoilers/Warnings:** Yolda's relationship with Hilda.  
**Summary:** On rare days of the week, cartography counts as one of Hilda's greatest skills.

* * *

"You take the first right, then the third left, walk straight till you see a garden then take another right and it will be the fifteenth door after the suit of armour of the great Baknamy on your right." Hilda calmly directs a fidgety Oga, not even bothering to look up from the book she is perusing.

"Damn you woman!" he shouts. "Isn't there anything closer?"

"Toilets are not a necessity in the Demon World. His Highness had a couple made especially for your arrival." She informs him imperiously. "It is entirely your fault for consuming too much water."

"The food was fucking spicy!" he roars even as he hops from one foot to another in a deranged rendition of the Pee-Pee Dance. "Draw me a map!"

Hilda does so with great care, labelling everything that is necessary and everything that is not and adding artistic squiggles here and there for good measure, and watches him charge down the corridors at breakneck speed with a disinterested gaze. Too bad the Young Master is spending quality time with his father. He would have enjoyed seeing this.

"Not bad." Yolda observes, stepping in the room without bothering to knock. "Though I must deduct points for the map." Hilda takes great care to ignore her.

Alain Delon looks askance at the two sisters. "Hilda-dono! Couldn't you have told him about the one next door?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Rooftop Conversations  
** Universe:** Beelzebub  
**Theme/Topic: **52) Deep in thought  
**Rating:** K  
**Character/Pairing/s:** Established!OgaXHilda, Beel, Furuichi Aoi and her Red Tails  
**Spoilers/Warnings:** None  
**Summary:** Furuichi Panics

* * *

Tatsumi Oga is sitting quietly on the school roof, the air around him tinged with a tad touch of melancholy and emanating bishie sparkles like a bad odor. A thoughtful looking Baby Beel, perched on his shoulder completes the pensive picture.

Furuichi takes one look at them and runs for his life.

"The apocalypse is coming!" he shouts to anyone who will listen. "Run for cover!" he urges.

Unfortunately for him, Takayuki Fuiruichi happens to be the exception not the norm in the esteemed institution. The delicate values of forward thinking and self preservation do not seem to be inculcated in a school where people talk with their fists (and expound with badly drawn graffiti) and where everyday is a lesson in Darwinian survival.

Most of the thugs ignore him and the ones who do pay him any attention wear a look that indicates that good breeding is only what is keeping them from pounding him into the ground. That and an instinctual fear of messing with anything that can calm the eccentric temper of the Alpha.

Thus the silver haired pervert stumbles, exhausted from his fool's errand into the confused arms of Queen Kunieda. "The world ending." he croaks pathetically and immediately proceeds to pass out on a state of glassy eyed bliss.

Ten minutes later wakes up to the tender ministrations of a furious Nene Oomori who demands an explanation and an apology. "Aoi maybe nice" she snarls when the subject in question is not looking their way. "But I am not. And if you value your life you had best start talking. Fast."

Furuichi nearly wets his pants. "Oga." he mumbles trying to get away from the angry woman. "Oga on the roof. Thinking."

Aoi who has come to see what the problem is as soon as she bears Oga's name, frowns. Oga rarely ever ideates but when he does bother to rub two brain cells together, a lot of people end up in the hospital with massive property damage in the background. She can see the potential problems this can create and judging from the flurry of agitated whispers that emanate from her fellow Red Tails, so can everyone else.

"We need to stop him." Aoi declares decisively. "You two" she snaps pointing at a pair of freshmen who look both pleased to be hailed by their leader and terrified out of their ever-loving minds at being chosen. "You two run to the canteen and get potato croquettes. Nene, you will come with me." She squares her shoulders, prepared for battle.

As the agitated females respond to their chief's call, a lone figure slides smoothly into the storm. "No need for this foolish chatter." Hilda declares haughtily. "I will handle it."

Hilda never has been an official member of the Red Tails even though she spends most of her hours on campus with the all girl gang leaving her boys to raise hell as they see fit. Her association with the all girl gang can be attributed more to her close familiarity with the leader than any bonds of nakama-ship. Nene bristles at the impertinent tone while Chiaki grumbles at the opportunity for romantic bonding lost but Aoi just waves their concerns aside. She would be a tongue-tied mess around him anyway. Meanwhile Furuichi slumps gratefully in his chair.

Maybe the world will be not be ending after all.

* * *

Hilda's steady saunter through the school halls leave three new cracks in the wall and three different delinquents in each one. The stairwell has four new perverts with broken teeth and finally she is on the roof.

"Tatsumi, Beelze" she addresses the two males sitting quietly, staring out into the distance and is greeted with a smile and an enthusiastic 'Dabuh!' She smiles softly as the baby prince reaches for her and she picks him up easily out of his surrogate father's grasp. It may have taken a trial by fire but she finally has the relationship with young Beelzebub that the Demon Lord intended for them to have. She is not just his retainer any more but a mother to him as well. Being a servant to him is not the only reason for her existence any more, something for which she has the idiot beside her to thank though it galls her to admit it.

"I was thinking." Tatsumi announces rather anti-climatically for the ruckus that single act has managed to cause as she sits down next to him not-quite touching, but far too close to be construed as just friends.

"I hope you didn't hurt yourself." she remarks idly as she finger-combs the wiry green tresses that pass for the younger Prince of Hell's hair.

"I am perfectly capable of thinking for myself" he scowls at her though he is not truly angry. It is rare that Hilda is in a joking mood and he means to enjoy it.

"A dangerous past-time that." she smirks and he looks so put out that a genuine peal of laughter tears itself from her lips as her shoulders shake with mirth and Beel joins her with an excited 'Dada!'. The action is as rare as it is uncharacteristic and it is a true testament to how much their trials have changed them.

Furuichi gulps involuntarily as he surveys the two sitting on the rooftop with an excited baby between them and sadly concludes that the world is going to end after all. Oga and his Bride are _laughing._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/n **Apologies for the late update. Future updates will be even later if Real Life has anything to say about it. Don't hold your breath.

**Title:** Sticks and stones may break my bones  
** Universe:** Beelzebub  
**Theme/Topic: **88) Pain  
**Rating:** K+ for language  
**Character/Pairing/s:** Oga, Hilda, Misaki, Furuichi and Beel  
**Spoilers/Warnings:**None  
**Summary:** Everyone an their uncle know that Tatsumi Oga is immune to pain.  
**Notes: **Not my best work. meh.

* * *

Tatsumi Oga is badassery personified, with some allowances made for sheer stupidity of course.

Regular beatings, both given and received have toughened him up like nothing else and it is a general consensus among fellow students of Ishiyama High that he is all but immune to pain. They say he eats nails for breakfast and crushes boulders with his teeth. They say he can take on a hundred men blindfolded and hands tied behind his back. They say he can win _any_ argument with his wife. Senpai and Kouhai worship the ground he treads on (when they are not challenging him to reckless duels of honour that is). All in all, the Ogre of Ishiyama is both revered and feared.

Hilda scoffs at this. Any immunity to pain is a result of an intimate acquaintance with her Young Master and all that such an association entails. After all, it would be hardly seemly if the Parent of the Demon Lord died of a little electrocution. Underneath the Cool image, her co-parent is really a whiny brat.

Misaki is inclined to agree with her blonde 'sister-in-law'. She gleefully tells anyone who is willing to listen what a big baby her little brother is. And when they raise their collective brows, she produces the photographic evidence of Tatsumi, aged 15 screaming as she practices eyebrow plucking on him.

Furuichi shudders as the mystery of why his best friend had shown up to school with pencilled-on eyebrows for two weeks in middle school is finally cleared but clears his throat, a small part of him feeling obligated to defend his best friend in face of such terrifying foes. "He fought Kanzaki. And Himekawa's minions. And Toujou."

"Mere humans." Hilda points out. "His enhanced abilities are no match for them."

"He rescued you from Jabberwock." He says.

Hilda scoffs but cannot meet his eyes as she replies. "I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

And while Furuichi would like to point out that she was half-dead and amnesiac when Oga pulled her down from the stake he is rudely interrupted by Misaki who has little patience for the supernatural, especially when it occurs under her own nose. "Tatsumi is a big baby" she snarls daring the silver-haired pervert to contradict her.

Furuichi doesn't cower. _Doesn't._

The tension in the air is broken by the subject in question as he wanders in to the room where his surrogate son is happily playing with a set of Lego meant to be owned by children thrice his age and four times as big. The toy expressly states that it is only for children above three but such rules are for wimps and the Oga family has always been a little badass like that.

"Dabuh!" the green-haired boy invites the adults in the room to admire his latest and so far greatest creation and Tatsumi wanders over to where Hilda and the rest are making appropriate noises of admiration.

"I still think he is immune to pain" Furuichi belligerently whispers to no one in particular under the cover of Misaki's gushings at her nephew's cleverness. It may be termed as hero worship at this point but his best friend has saved his ass on enough number of occasions for it to be excused.

Hilda who hears it says nothing but Oga who doesn't, howls. He has stepped on a Lego.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Retail Therapy  
** Universe:** Beelzebub  
**Theme/Topic: **92) All that I have  
**Rating:** K  
**Character/Pairing/s:** OgaXHilda, Beel, Misaki  
**Spoilers/Warnings:** Hilda's memory loss  
**Summary:** Unfortunately, magic is not always the solution.

* * *

Hilda's worldly possessions are few and far in number. One can count them on a single hand and still have a few left over. She is undemanding placing far more value in badges of honour or deeds of merit over more materialistic possessions. But it takes being nearly crispy-fried at the stake to put such a stance into perspective.

The blonde demonic nursemaid usually relies on magic to keep herself clothed, a real handy ability for any girl at any other time but a real pain in the ass now that she is completely out cold.

Misaki is gladly willing to lend her beloved sister-in-law anything she requires but there is the teensy problem with the sizes. Hilda is petite but voluptuous while Misaki is – well, Misaki is tall, not-quite as well endowed and extremely sensitive about it.

A makeshift solution is found in the back of the Oga matriarch's closet and they decide to never speak of it ever again. Or at least until Hilda is awake, amnesiac and completely unable to resist the older woman's suggestions.

"We should go shopping!" the brunette trills with an unhly gleam in her eyes that makes her little brother want to take refuge under the bed, preferably on the other side of the world.

The new, mild-mannered Hilda agrees happily, blissfully unaware of the horrors that await her. Of course, she is not going to stay in the dark for very long.

* * *

"What do you think Tatsumi?" Misaki asks, shit-eating grin and all as Hilda models something for them. It is far more demure than what she wears normally and her clasped hands, bowed head and faint blush only add to the innocence of the look. Oga, who doesn't usually notice women unless they carry promises of fights or food, frowns.

Hilda's feminity is a startling thing when shoved into his face like that, especially without the usual vitriol accompanying it and he shifts uncomfortably at the expectant stare of the beautiful blonde girl. Baby Beel, forced into clothes for the first time in his life, crows belligerently as he tugs his hat off. Misaki cracks her knuckles.

"Nice" he manages to croak out as his sister grabs him in a stranglehold. It might be a bit unoriginal but he is sticking to it as long as it takes.

"That's what you said for the last five" she informs him sweetly as if he does not already know. "Try something new this time." The sudden growl manages to startle everyone in hearing range. Beel drops his hat.

"It is looks ... pretty?" he says, raking his brain for an adjective that might appease the fire-breathing female choking him. She does not seem appeased but the Demonic Wet Nurse smiles as though he has paid her a compliment of the highest order.

"Okay, we will buy this one then." Misaki concedes grudgingly, noticing the look of utter happiness on her alleged sister-in-law's face. She motions the staff to clear away the rest and Oga heaves a sigh of relief. They have been at it for two hours already and he can't wait to get out. There is a lot of other stuff he'd rather be doing; cloud-watching seems unusually interesting right now.

"I really cannot thank you enough" Hilda bows deeply in thanks but Misaki just waves it away as she flashes a shiny-looking credit card in the cashier's face. Her brother looks exceptionally glad too. The sooner he can get out of this place, the better.

This joy even drives him to pick up the ladies' bags with minimal prompting and walk homewards with a spring in his step. But he is stopped dead in his tracks as he bounces over the empty streets.

"Where are you going?" Misaki asks her brother.

"Home" comes the reply.

"Not yet." she grins a deeply unsettling grin. "We still have five more places to go to."

Beel begins removing his pants.

* * *

Apologies for the late update. Fell victim to one of the most hackneyed plot cliches ever and spent a week in hospital. Came back with a body part missing. Then, college happened.


End file.
